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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi

Hello Sir, it has been 4 years since I got married. I have two kids. My wife loves me a lot. One day, in a casual conversation, she told me about her past life before marriage. I too had physical relations with a friend. Since then, I have been in depression. What should I do? I am unable to understand. Should I separate or leave her. Although now she keeps crying that that was the past. Now I love you very much, but I am unable to understand what to do. Please guide us. I feel that my life has been ruined. I am unable to understand ????????

Ans: Discovering unexpected aspects of your partner's past can be deeply unsettling, especially when it involves intimate relationships. It's understandable that you're feeling confused and overwhelmed by this revelation. Firstly, it's important to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself space to process them. Communication is key in situations like these; have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how you're feeling and the impact her revelation has had on you. Express your concerns and fears, and listen to her perspective as well. Remember, people's past experiences do not define who they are now. If you still love your wife and want to work through this together, consider seeking couples therapy to help navigate through these complex emotions and rebuild trust in your relationship. However, if you feel that this revelation has irreparably damaged your relationship and you cannot move forward, it may be worth exploring the option of separation or divorce. Ultimately, the decision is yours, but it's essential to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being throughout this process.

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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Question by Savendra - May 13, 2024Hindi

Hi I am 52 yrs man having kids and wife, from last so many years my wife start arguing on small - small discussion and it became very high some times. due to this whole house became tense. I am a very emotional Person some times her discussion and arguments hearts me lot resulting became very upset. she has brain problem in past. please advise how can I handle this situation.

Ans: Dear Savendra

Navigating through frequent arguments and tension at home can be incredibly challenging, especially when they leave you feeling emotionally drained and upset. It's understandable that you're seeking guidance on how to handle this situation. Given your wife's past brain problem, it's essential to approach these conflicts with patience, empathy, and understanding. Firstly, try to remain as calm as possible during arguments, even when emotions run high. Active listening and validating her feelings can help create a more constructive dialogue. Setting boundaries around communication and behavior is crucial, ensuring that discussions remain respectful and productive. Seeking professional help, such as couples therapy, can provide valuable support in addressing underlying issues and improving communication skills. Additionally, taking care of yourself through self-care activities and seeking support from friends and family members can help you navigate through these challenging times. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your well-being and seek assistance when needed to foster a healthier and more harmonious household for yourself and your family.

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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Question by Sudeesh - May 13, 2024Hindi

Maam - I am recently facing trouble in my 22 year old marriage. I am unable to understand my wife's behaviour which according to her is very normal. I am unable to judge when she requires me. I have not been a caring husband and can be attributed to this behaviour of mine. She had got very along very well with our son all these while and now that he is in college and travels his behaviour also irritates her. She says that he has also changed a lot and have no respect for females, he has lots of secret which he is avoiding tell us. She is very much worried about it and I feel that has spilled over into our relation as well. We compromise for a few days which is mostly from my side but again on the 4th day it is back to the same.. Can you suggest some actions from my side which can help improve my relation with my wife and understand her better..

Ans: Sudesh,

It sounds like you're in a challenging situation, but it's commendable that you're seeking ways to improve your relationship with your wife. Schedule regular times to talk openly and honestly with your wife about your feelings, concerns, and desires for the relationship. Encourage her to express herself as well. Active listening is crucial here.Try to see things from your wife's perspective and understand her concerns about your son's behavior. Validate her feelings and reassure her that you're there to support her.
Make an effort to spend quality time together as a couple. Plan activities that you both enjoy and that allow you to connect on a deeper level. This could be anything from going for walks, having dinner dates, or pursuing mutual hobbies.
Work together with your wife to address any concerns about your son's behavior. Approach him with empathy and understanding, and try to create an open and supportive environment where he feels comfortable sharing his thoughts and concerns. Consider couples therapy or counseling to work through any underlying issues in your relationship. A therapist can provide guidance and support in improving communication, understanding each other's needs, and resolving conflicts.Take time to reflect on your own behavior and actions within the relationship. Consider how you can be a more caring and attentive partner, and be willing to make changes where necessary.Improving a relationship takes time and effort from both parties. Be patient with yourself and your wife as you navigate through challenges and work towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

Remember that it's okay to seek outside help and support when needed, and that small steps towards positive change can make a big difference in the long run.

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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi

Is it okay to live with a person who abuses me daily verbally but gives care also. Eventhough after i told repeatedly not to use bad words he is using it. Doing fight at night and morning coming for patch up as if nothing happend. What should i do now pls tell me.

Ans: No one deserves to be verbally abused, no matter what other positive things might be present in the relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being above all else.
Reach out to friends, family members, or a trusted individual who can offer support and guidance. It's essential to have someone to confide in during challenging times.Speaking to a therapist or counselor can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings and options. They can offer valuable insight and help you develop coping strategiesClearly communicate to the person that their behavior is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate verbal abuse. Set boundaries and stick to them. If they continue to disrespect your boundaries, it may be necessary to take further action.Evaluate whether it's feasible to remove yourself from the situation, whether temporarily or permanently. This could involve seeking alternative living arrangements, such as staying with a friend or family member, or exploring other housing options.If you're concerned about your safety, develop a safety plan in case the situation escalates. This could include having a bag packed with essentials, knowing where to go in an emergency, and having a support network in place. Depending on your circumstances, you may want to consult with a lawyer to understand your rights and options, especially if you're considering leaving the living situation or seeking legal protection.

Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in all your relationships. It's okay to prioritize your well-being and take steps to remove yourself from a toxic environment. If you're ever in immediate danger, don't hesitate to reach out to emergency services for help.

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Anu Krishna |847 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Question by RICHA - May 04, 2024Hindi

Hello maam i am married since 18 years and since last 5 years my husband is not earning but my in laws are well to do me and my husband are in a relation where we end up quarrelling even if we have converstion of 2 mins i am financially independent and have son of 14 years but he is truely in influence of his father i dont have parents nor a sibling i dont know what to do i sometimes feel if i leave my husband and if i fail in my job than what about my future my age is 38 in all my surroundings i have seen all husband take care and responsiblity of their wife but my husband is totally self centered and the most pathetic thing is he does not even realize this please suggest what can be done

Ans: Dear Richa,
You are financially independent and any decision you take for your life will be based on that, right?
Who knows what the future hold and one can only be hopeful that all that is done in the present times yield a good result in future.
So, whatever decision you want to take, do that keeping what it is right now...also, have faith in your capability to earn and hold your head high BUT do give your marriage a fair chance considering your son may also get rattled by any harsh decision. Do you not feel that it is time to actually confront your husband. What is he planning on doing? Sitting and waiting for something to happen for him?
He has possibly got into a place where it is comfortable not to work and things happen around him for him and everyone else. So, there really is no need for him to lift a finger. Urge your in-laws to talk to him and drive some sense into him. If he still makes no move to get proactive and take on his part of responsibilities within the marriage, think about how long and how far you want to go with this. A bit of coaching/therapy can help, but only if he willing to see that it's needed for him. More than anything, I want you to have faith in yourself and play to your strengths.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |847 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 04, 2024Hindi

Hello, I am 23 and also in the last year of B.Sc. Microbiology. Even though I attempted NEET 6 times I am not able to work hard and set myself consistent with my efforts for my dream. Sometimes I feel so useless after seeing all my relatives being at a good step in life. I feel left behind. I am quite a disappointment to my parents although they don't show it always, I can see it in their eyes. I just can't get past one month of dedication it all comes down to procrastination and laziness. What should I do to remove all negativity, imbibe a positive mindset and also be able to request my parents to try NEET again.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Study for yourself; not for your parents or not to be better than someone else.
Shifting focus from what others will think to how I can do my best will allow you to be very determined. Procrastination will actually vanish and you will be very motivated from within. Don't believe it? Try shifting focus and see what happens!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Relationship

Anu Krishna |847 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi

Sir Main Ladki Ko pyaar karta hu jo meri Padosi hai or Dost bhi hai lekin mujhse age me 2 saal badi hai kaafi time se hum dono ek dusre se baat nahi kar rahe they abhi filhaal me humari phir se baat shuru Hui hai , main kaise usse apne Dil ki baat kahu or kaise usse kaise Apni GF banau..? Please help me ????

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Usko GF banane se pehle dosti kar lo...koi bhi ladki itni aasaani se kisi ke saath rishta nahin jodna chahegi...Phir dosti ka haath badhao aur jab aapko lage ki sahi waqt hai tab apne dil ki baat unke saamne rakhna.
Ab ya toh woh haan ya naa bolegi par pehle phir se dosti toh kar lo...koi bhi rishta zidd pe nahin balki saiyaam se hi banta hai...Toh pehle dosti...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Relationship

Anu Krishna |847 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Question by Jagmeet - Apr 28, 2024Hindi

My parents said to me for marriage but i am relationship with someone but he doesn't want marry me he doesn't understand me and my parents also don't understand because it's very difficult for me move on in life

Ans: Dear Jagmeet,
Please DO NOT chase someone who does not value you or your love.
It is difficult to move on BUT once you know that this person that you are in a so-called relationship with does not feel the same about you like you feel about him, you know that it is possible to move on.
Work on loving yourself more and value what you are and eventually you will find the right person who cherishes you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Relationship

Anu Krishna |847 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 04, 2024Hindi

My mother in law has been exploiting us by making us do all her chores work n behaves badly rudely n always sends hidden messages making herself a victim n making us feel guilt since few months my sister in law has asked her not to talk to us as she does not like us and my mom in law has stopped talking to us since more than a month whereas my sis in law does not live together n is bitter n jealous if us how do we initiate conversations with my mother in law we are worried about her but we are afraid if her temper n she constantly fights with us ?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Stay out of this drama!
Your sister-in-law is doing her best to provoke you through her mother; why are you getting provoked? The minute you give into this drama, you will become a part of it and then it gets difficult to come out of it...Be wise and let it play...
The more you display that all this does not affect you, sooner than later, things will settle either to a neutral place where no one bothers anyone OR it will be in your favor. Be patient...BUT the decision to stay out of this without crashing egos is the hard part...will you be willing to do that?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |847 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi

Hello, I am married for the last 15 years with 2 kids. All though for entire period of this 15 years has been a roller coaster in the relationship, All of a sudden since the last 7 months the relationship has detoriated with my wife sleeping with the kids, not talking to me, cutting my social circles. Have tried talking to her directly and through some common links, but she does not talk & infact has cut all the channels. i have tried being home all the time and do all the house hold cores, take care of the children, but no impact on her. She is a deperession patient and refuses to consult the doctor. I feel i had enough and want to look options for seperation. Kindly advise

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's unfortunate that you have waited this long to take note of how your relationship has been deteriorating. Also, has your wife been clinically diagnosed as having depression? If not, please don't assume as it will pose an issue while working on your marriage.
Seek the help of a marriage therapist who can guide the two of you back into rebuilding the marriage. Sleeping separately is a huge signal that she has cut off physically and emotionally from you and there could be numerous reasons along the way for it./ Don't delay seeing a professional and take this step not to get into a blame game situation but to actually work on your marriage. Make this humble attempt as it takes one rash move to end things.

But if you feel strongly that nothing is working, consult with a lawyer who specializes in separation

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |847 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi

Hi Ms. Anu, I need some different way of looking at the mess I am in. We are a very well educated couple married since past 16 years and very well settled (financially) abroad. We married after a courtship with blessings of both families and we do have a kid who is doing well atleast academically. The marriage has been a mess all these years starting within a couple of years after marriage. I do come from a very close knit middle class with a mentality/ upbringing to carryon whatever the odds are for wellbeing of kid also the spouse. My wife come from a pretty broken family where none of the family members are staying together or on routine talking terms. I do strongly feel that she has a borderline personality disorder which she refuses to atleast seek help available even to confirm or reject it. She has no good friends and her relations are very superficial with lot of white lies. Living with her is like walking on needles not knowing when she goes off. It has literally made me and my kid apprehensive every other minute dealing with her. She has given up her career in India and is a home maker here and I do respect that a lot but she is also very apprehensive to try out anything over here in spite of so many opportunities .I really don’t have any problem with it as we don’t have any financial need for it. She has best of everything we have/ earned over here, I never question her regarding even routine needs and try to work around her choices. We are like roommates living in a big house in separate rooms bringing up kid in best possible way. It sort or drains me out both mentally and physically and even affects my professional progress. Every attempt to discuss amicably ends with a fight. She has no social support to even fallback or ask for help. For me I don’t want to divorce her as I do know she won’t be able to survive alone over here or in India also I don’t want this to even put a small mental scar on my kid. I am trying out the best possible way I can but I do fear I might breakdown some day or the other leaving them in bad position. I dont have any affairs, I don’t even drink/ smoke/ gamble. I am just a simple person trying to live comfortably and bringing up the kid in best possible was as every other person.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A different way of looking at the mess would mean:
- appreciating that your way of a family set-up and your wife's are way different
- understanding that things may go awry, but there is no need to strive for perfection within the marriage
- knowing that your spouse is different from you and celebrating those differences without finding a meaning in it

Having said this, I do appreciate you wanting to make your marriage better, but sometimes we also need to understand that what is happening is possibly the best. As long as the child is in a safe space to grow and bloom, do not strain yourself much. You are not dealing with daily fights or threatening arguments, hence if this is peace, learn to make peace with it.
Sometimes, it may feel like the other person has an issue with the mind when they don't align to your way of thinking or expressing. There are people who yell to be heard, that does not make them an angry person...that is how they have learned to express themselves since childhood. It does not qualify as a mental illness...

Take some time out together to coordinate and appreciate each other at a different level acknowledging your differences; your wife will also have to do this and support the fact that you are concerned about the marriage and your relationship with her.

Taking care of your mental health is in your hands and start by 'viewing things differently as stated above' AND yes, your wife also will need to be in sync on this by supporting you as well. That you will might need to have an honest conversation with your wife and work on this together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |847 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Question by Vishal - Apr 26, 2024Hindi

HI,This is vishal ,age 48,lost my mother recently,but i think i was late to get her to hospital,and i feel really guilty,how to get out of it

Ans: Dear Vishal,
I am truly sorry for your loss.
It isn't easy to get over the loss of a loved one. I do see that in most cases, people find themselves in a guilty space constantly thinking that they could have done something more and that they haven't done it. Then they go on a guilt trip that makes the process of grieving even harder.
What I suggest is:
- Tell yourself that you did the best that you could as a Son even if you keep doubting this, keep saying this over and over again.
- Next, celebrate joyful moments that you had with your mother
- Lastly, as strange as it may seem; simply ask for forgiveness for any intentional or unintentional doings (I have seen this work during Grief counseling work. It may not appeal to the logical side of things BUT who is to say if things actually work unto relief)

You did what you could and in the best possible manner; period!

All the best!

Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Shalini Singh |66 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi

Hi I'm 32+ years old I'm quite chubby that's why didn't get any life partner most of gentlemenans are under qualified or their family is not good they are rejected me so I'm totally fade up now and relatives are also asking about marriage and they are telling. I'm choosy why I'm searching much ..I dnt know what's their problem pls suggest

Ans: So there are 2 concerns as I read (1) you are on the chubbier side (2) men being introduced to you don't match your education requirement and those who do are not taking it ahead for reason #1. Well you are the owner of your life - (1) can you look at correcting your weight if the increase is not due to medical reason. COrrect it not to marry but to feel healthy and fit (2) Look out for partners yourself vs completely relying on others to introduce you to. Look at attending single meetups. Google for them. And its ok to be choosy - after all its a life decision that you are making.

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Ravi Mittal |190 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Question by Sachin - May 11, 2024Hindi

Hello Sir/Ma'am, Myself Sachin. Basically I'm from Thrissur (Kerala) where I born. But in terms of education, I did my schooling & colleges from Pune (Maharashtra). My DOB is 30th October 1984. So right now I'm 39. Till now I'm single trying to get a life partner to have a good understanding since 7 years. However, no one I got yet. Even I tried dating through online dating app called quack quack where sometimes I get a positive responses. But later on, that relationship doesn't prolongs. In this situation, what shall I do to have a good life partner? Right now I reside in Coimbatore (Tamilnadu) with my parents in one of the senior citizen complex. In terms of education I did my BBA from Delhi University. Also have work experience into customer support voice process for about 9 years. Currently I run my business as a photostat in Coimbatore.

Ans: Hi Sachin,

I understand that dating can sometimes be very frustrating. You have every right to start wondering whether it will work or not. Since you have already tried dating apps and even had a positive experience, I would ask you to recognize that as a win first. Second, let me share some tips with you that might help you find the right kind of matches:

- Write a detailed and attractive Bio. What should it include? 40% about yourself- your education, your quirks and habits, likes and preferences, and everything that makes you you. 10% about what you can offer as a partner. 10% about the type of relationship you want. Do you want to date exclusively, or are you looking for casual? Are you looking to get married or long-term dating? Mention it clearly to attract the right matches. The remaining 40% should be about the kind of person you want to date. Your idea of a perfect partner. It would save you a lot of time and energy on the relationships that start strong but eventually fizzle out.

- The display picture can play an important role. Always pick a recent and clear image to never mislead anyone. Choose an image that shows you in your element, preferably smiling because that makes you seem warm and welcoming. Refrain from over-editing.

- Another important step is the first message. Write a detailed and personalized first message instead of a Hi.

Other than this, I would ask you to have patience. Regardless of the mode of dating, finding the right partner can take time in certain instances. Good things take time.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |190 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Question by Chintu - May 11, 2024Hindi

I m in relationship, Her Name is Anshu , What to do so that she can't leave me.

Ans: Dear Chintu,

It's very difficult to say how you can keep a person around forever. It is really up to them to decide if they will or will not leave you sometime in the future. But if you really want to make an effort to stop that from happening try to be kind and caring. Everyone can love, but not everyone can be kind. Make sure to keep things fresh. Go out on regular dates. Keep checking in on her. Ask her if there's something in her mind. Make sure there are no unresolved issues. Be trusting and trustworthy. Handle fights with maturity.

It is amazing that you want to make conscious efforts to keep the relationship from breaking, but I would also ask you to take care of yourself. Often we are so hellbent on being together with the one we love, that we start over-compromising or worse, we ignore all the warning bells. I am sure your partner is amazing but do not sell yourself short either. You both deserve the best.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |190 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi

We had 5 years of relationship we both were ready to marry each other my parents were also ready but her parents were not ready beacuse it is inter-caste ,Now she wants to end this relationship and after 10 days of ending relationship she wants to become my friend and want to help each other to grow in both careers, i want to know what should i do and is there any way to get her back in my life?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If she wants to end the relationship, there is nothing much you can do about it. I know right now you want to convince her to stay with you. But is that really how you want the relationship to work? Marriages should never be rushed into. All I can suggest is to be patient and wait. See if she realizes your worth and comes back herself. If yes, then great, If no, then why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? I am not dismissing the fact that her parents did not accept your relationship and it is difficult to go beyond parents' wishes. But still, is that how you want to get married?

You deserve someone who wants you just as much as you want her. Remind yourself of that. If right now all she wants to be is friends, so be it. If you are comfortable with it, be there as a friend. If you think it is too soon, or it might hinder you from moving on, communicate the same. You are not bound to accept her friendship. It entirely depends on you.

Best Wishes.

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Shalini Singh |66 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on May 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi

Dear Madam.... iam a 42 year old single man. I am in relationship with a divorced lady of 35 years old for past 1 year. Recently I found she have relationship with another man also. When i asked her she got angry and told me nobody have, she loves only me. When asked repeatedly she told i didnt give her time so she gone with that man . But now no relationship with him. And says in her life only iam her man. I love her so much. But i can't trust her. What shall i do. Iam mentally upset.

Ans: Its important to trust the person in your life, you need to decide on the next steps which can be to trust her and not overthink in your head or move on from this relationship.

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Shalini Singh |66 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on May 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 09, 2024Hindi

Hello, I am 27 years old and wants to marry a guy who is younger than me and earns less than me. Also we are from different caste. I am afraid of having conversation about this with my parents and also I am confused that should I marry him or not because sometimes it feels like he is not thinking about his future (finance). He loves me a lot and always support me, but still I am confused to get married to him.

Ans: You are 27 who is financially independent which makes you a smart thinking adult woman. You are now planning to marry which is awesome, him being younger to you, not being of the same caste does not bother you, but what bothers you him not being serious about his financial future. This 'may' change which means he becomes mindful about it or it may never change. If it bothers you so much you may wish to pause and give this relationship a think...you may do the following (1) wait for him to be financially stable which may take anything from a couple of years to a few years (2) move on from this relationship which is disheartening but YOU need to think of what YOU WANT from a marriage which is a long-term relationship. Either ways have a conversation with him, it can be emotional which is fine but avoid shouting, yelling or even giving him and yourself false hope

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Ravi Mittal |190 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Question by Teena - May 05, 2024Hindi

I have bf he is very nice to me and we both love eachother but I don't know what's the problem that I can't speak to much with him

Ans: Dear Teena,

I am glad you found someone you love and who loves you back. But I am confused as to why you can't speak to him. Is it because you feel uneasy to open up to him? I need a little more context to comment on the matter. For now, I would suggest spending quality time with each other. For some people it can take a little more time to open up to each other. Be patient.

Things will hopefully get better soon.

Best wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |190 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

Hi I am 27 M. I am a introverted person but not that much I love meeting new people, party, travelling etc. But Whenever I try to talk with any girl I forgot everything that I want to express and also feels bit nervous and shy. So many thoughts are in my mind but I am unable to express that in front of others, I simply forgot. How can I improve my communication skills with other girls and feel confident about myself.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

What you are facing is very common. The first step is to remember that you are not alone. Even the best of us face it. Second, have you tried dating apps? There is no speaking face to face, which substantially helps with the nervousness. You can chat with people for days before you even decide to meet them in person. You can also attract the people who can perfectly match your vibe, making it easier for you to feel more comfortable and relaxed with them.

Other than that, here are few tips you can try-

Start small. Start with small talks. You don't need to have a full blown conversation in the very first attempt. Say Hi, smile, or ask her about her day. If you feel shy to speak, master the art of listening. Women love a man who can actively listen. Third, be genuine and be yourself. The more you pretend to impress a girl, the trickier it can be to keep up the act. Moreover, you will be preoccupied with your pretense and won't focus on the quality of the conversation. Be you. Fourth, learn from your experience. Good or bad, experiences can teach us a lot. Reflect on the past conversations; the ones that went well and ones that didn't. Identify what worked and what needs improvement. And lastly, be patient. Building confidence can take a while. Not all of us are naturally blessed with it. Some of us have to work for it. But in the end, it will be worth your while.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |190 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi

we broke up week ago it was mutual as it will not work in future as his parents are strict brahmin and your job locations are not same band we cant switch also but we are not able to move on we end up texting after a week and we have grt bonding though we are in long distance what should we do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear about your breakup. It is also common to not be able to move on and go back to each other. It's about the comfort in familiarity. It does take time. But if you are serious about the breakup, you have to follow through. This 'break up and patch up' thing will only end up hurting you more. It always ends with one person moving on in the process and the other being stuck in a relationship that died long back.

You might have great bonding but that is no reason to set yourself up for inevitable pain. Please tread carefully.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |190 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

To start with I am in my early sixties . We have a large WhatsApp group of undergraduate college batchmates where sometimes news about batchmates / their families get posted . A married lady batchmate, located in one of the metro cities reached out to me over phone to offer her condolences / sympathies for loss of a family member that I had suffered . While I didn't personally know the lady , found the gesture empathetic & touching . So when the next physical batch meet took place I sought her out to thank her and we chatted for some time too ! Subsequently , we started being in touch , she mentioned that she found my gesture ( asking her to sit besides me to chat up very affectionate ) both through chat and calls and started sharing about each other , even personal matters . And now it seems that the relationship is moving in to a clear zone of intimacy ! And we talk pretty affectionately and frequently these days and it seems we make a good chatting pair . She is pretty attached to her grown up children and probably with a non intimate, dysfunctional, unsatisfactory marriage dragging on . She says her relationship in her marriage has totally failed right from beginning but she has not been able to do anything about that so far . It seems that the children are with the mother ! I find her balanced, affectionate and would like understand if something akin to a long term relationship /companionship would be possible . So have asked her to share about me, about our mutual feelings to her kids . Have also sounded her that if her husband gets to know about this relationship - it might lead to a family issue including formal break up of her marriage. And I am truly concerned about that . But she is very wishy wishy in her ideas about possible course of action , way forward .And I don't want her to get hurt or disappointed nor I want to be placed in a emotional drag. My questions are 1. Can this relationship go anywhere ? And if yes , what is the minimum expected from her ? 2. Can we be just be chatting friends ? Doesn't seem so as we talk & share as if we are a couple ? 3. What should we both do to avoid any possible emotional trauma to each of us ? (A still active and adorable senior citizen without strings and without a care in the world )

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am glad you found a genuine companion. I understand that you both care a great deal about each other and that is rare in today's day and age. Now coming to your questions-

1) It most definitely can. But that depends on the course of action your partner is willing to take. I assume that neither one of you would like to formally tag it as a relationship till she is married to another man, no matter how the marriage is. So, in that case, your partner must have a clear discussion about the same with her husband and you can proceed from there. But going ahead and having a romantic relationship while she is married to someone else would not be ethical and even when she has every right to seek happiness in her life, it would be her who faces all the societal judgment.

2) You can be two friends chatting with each other. Friends do share a lot, even personal matters. Having said that, it did not sound to me that you are in that platonic friend zone anymore. You have grown to like each other a little more and given the circumstances, it is perfectly alright. But to be more than friends, it is important for your partner to first speak to her current husband and consider separating. But at the end of the day, it is her decision. If she doesn't want to formally end it, you would have two options. One, love each other in secret and never have the chance to show off your love to the world. Two, break it off and either try to remain friends or sever ties altogether.

3) Don't have unrealistic expectations. We are all guilty of it time and again. In this case, even though her marriage isn't perfect- you know and she knows it too- it isn't easy to let go of a relationship people spend years to build. Take things slow and let her make her own decisions. If you expect she will leave her marriage for you, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. It might happen, but then again, it might not. Focus on being each other's companion. You can't help how you feel, but that does not mean you have to act on it right now.

One more thing- if you can see yourself getting hurt, I would suggest reconsidering the relationship. Every relationship has in its capacity to cause emotional trauma. That's the thing about romance- it can make or break you.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |190 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

I am 28 M. I am a virgin. But all most all my friends had sex in their life. I am feeling FOMO when they talked about their sex life. Should I wait for my marriage or try with others. Is this will impact my mind or my future. Currently I don't have any gf also.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

You should be having sex only when you are ready for it. There is no rush. Don't give in to peer pressure if you do not want to get physically intimate right now. Moreover, doing something just for the sake of it or because everyone else is doing it makes it meaningless and that's not what you should be aiming for when it comes to any form of intimacy.

Best Wishes.

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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2024

Question by Barua - May 05, 2024Hindi

I fear my family the most , I fear my dad the most and my uncle the most.

Ans: Remember that it's okay to feel fear, but it's important not to let it control your life. By taking proactive steps to address and cope with your fear, you can empower yourself to live more confidently and authentically.

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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2024

Question by Barua - May 05, 2024Hindi

I am a constant failure in my exm n a disappointment in my own eyes , I face anxiety n even if I make a choice n decision, that one is indecisive to my parents and I struggle to make a decision for myself .. please help me out ,on how I can break these mental barriers that I've subconsciously created in my mind.

Ans: Dear Barua
It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of internal pressure and self-doubt, which can be incredibly challenging to overcome. However, breaking through these mental barriers is possible with patience, self-compassion, and consistent effort.
Be gentle with yourself and recognize that it's okay to make mistakes and face challenges. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a friend who is struggling. Acknowledge your efforts and progress, no matter how small they may seem. Pay attention to the negative thoughts and beliefs that contribute to your feelings of failure and disappointment. When you notice these thoughts, challenge them with evidence to the contrary. Replace negative self-talk with more balanced and realistic perspectives.Avoid putting undue pressure on yourself to be perfect or to always make the "right" decisions. Recognize that it's normal to experience setbacks and that growth often involves making mistakes and learning from them. Set achievable goals and celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Don't hesitate to reach out to supportive friends, family members, or a mental health professional for guidance and encouragement. Talking to someone you trust can help you gain perspective and feel less alone in your struggles.Engage in activities that promote relaxation and reduce stress, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga. Mindfulness can help you stay present in the moment and cultivate a greater sense of calm and clarity.Break down overwhelming tasks or decisions into smaller, more manageable steps. Focus on taking one step at a time, rather than getting caught up in the big picture. Celebrate your progress along the way, no matter how incremental it may be. If your anxiety and self-doubt are significantly impacting your daily life and well-being, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with tools and strategies to manage your anxiety, challenge negative thought patterns, and build resilience.
Remember that breaking through mental barriers takes time and effort, but with persistence and support, you can overcome them and cultivate a greater sense of self-confidence and fulfillment. You deserve to live a life that is guided by your own values and aspirations, rather than by fear and self-doubt.

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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi

So I am 25 currently. Most of my classmates and some of my colleagues are married and some have kids or going to have one soon. I know that I am not mentally prepared for marriage at the moment but I don't know why there is a feeling of being an odd man out of being the only single person in the gang. Please guide..

Ans: Feeling like the odd one out when you're the only single person in your social circle, especially when many of your peers are getting married or starting families, is completely normal. It's natural to compare ourselves to others and feel pressure to conform to societal expectations, but it's important to remember that everyone's journey is unique and there's no right or wrong timeline for marriage or starting a family.

Firstly, it's crucial to recognize and accept where you are in your life right now. Being single at 25 is perfectly okay, and it's essential to focus on your own personal growth and happiness rather than comparing yourself to others. Take this time to explore your interests, pursue your goals, and build meaningful connections with friends and family.

It might also be helpful to shift your perspective on being single. Instead of seeing it as a negative or something to be ashamed of, try to embrace it as an opportunity for self-discovery and personal development. Use this time to invest in yourself, nurture your passions, and create a fulfilling life on your own terms.

Additionally, try to surround yourself with supportive friends and family who value you for who you are, regardless of your relationship status. Seek out activities and hobbies that bring you joy and allow you to connect with like-minded individuals who share your interests.

Remember that being single doesn't define your worth or happiness, and there's so much more to life than being in a relationship. Focus on living authentically, staying true to yourself, and enjoying the journey of self-discovery. And when the time is right, you'll find someone who appreciates and complements the amazing person you are.

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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi

Hello Ma'am, hope you're doing good. My problem is that something happened with me and I have started questioning my marriage. I and my wife are married 12 years ago after a lot of struggle as her parents were not ready because of our different caste and religion. Later we got married with their blessings. she is a very nice woman. After marriage, my business started going well and we're financially very well. We live with my parents and our two kids. Everything was going fine (obviously we do fight) until I met my business partner's sister who is a divorcee and I didn't know how but I started feeling attraction towards her. Recently, I dreamt of cheating on my wife with her. Since I am not able to hold proper eye contact with my wife and even I have started questioning my love for my wife. Has it ended ? I am very tensed since then.

Ans: It's normal to feel conflicted and unsure when you start experiencing attraction towards someone outside of your marriage. However, it's important to remember that attraction alone doesn't necessarily mean that your love for your wife has ended.

Before jumping to conclusions or making any drastic decisions, it might be helpful to take some time to reflect on your feelings and the reasons behind them. Ask yourself questions like: What specifically attracted me to this other person? Are there any underlying issues in my marriage that might be contributing to these feelings? Am I feeling unfulfilled or disconnected from my wife in any way?

It could also be beneficial to have open and honest communication with your wife about what you're going through. Sharing your feelings with her, even if they're difficult, can help strengthen your bond and provide clarity for both of you. Remember to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, and be prepared to listen to her perspective as well.

Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can also be incredibly helpful in navigating these complex emotions and making decisions that are best for you and your family. They can provide you with guidance, perspective, and strategies for coping with your feelings in a healthy way.

Ultimately, it's important to prioritize honesty, communication, and empathy in your relationship, and to take the time to explore your feelings and needs before making any decisions about your marriage.

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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi

Hi I am 22 year old female about to graduate as an artist, I've wasted my 4 years of college and self doubt as a graphic designer kills me everyday i wake up and think i'd finally create something but due to my own expectations i don't even open the software to start with and even if i do i don't understand what to get done with first i want to be an established designer and boom in my field, please tell me how can I be come more passionate about my career and actually make effort in it

Ans: you're experiencing a lot of self-doubt and frustration, which is completely normal, especially when pursuing a creative career like graphic design. Break down your projects into smaller, more manageable tasks. This can help make the overall process feel less daunting and overwhelming. Set achievable goals for each day or week, and celebrate your progress along the way. Like any skill, graphic design requires practice and dedication to improve. Set aside dedicated time each day or week to work on your craft, even if it's just for a short period. Consistency is key to growth and improvement. Don't be afraid to try new techniques, styles, or ideas in your work. Experimentation is essential for creativity and innovation. Allow yourself to play and explore without the pressure of perfectionism. Surround yourself with inspiration from other artists and designers. Explore different design styles, follow industry leaders on social media, attend design events or workshops, and immerse yourself in the creative community. Inspiration can come from anywhere, so keep an open mind.It's important to set realistic expectations for yourself and your work. Understand that growth and success take time, and it's okay to make mistakes along the way. Embrace the learning process and be patient with yourself. Reflect on why you chose to pursue graphic design in the first place and what excites you about the field. Reconnecting with your passion and purpose can help reignite your motivation and drive. Don't hesitate to reach out for support from friends, family, mentors, or fellow artists. Surround yourself with people who encourage and believe in you, and don't be afraid to ask for help or feedback when needed.
Remember, everyone experiences moments of doubt and uncertainty, but it's important to keep pushing forward and believing in yourself and your abilities. Keep exploring, experimenting, and creating, and trust that your passion and dedication will lead you to success in your career as a graphic designer.

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Shalini Singh |66 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 01, 2024Hindi

Hi Ma'am, I'm in a 5 yrs relationship the boy is Hindu ,and I'm catholic. The boy parents agreed for the marriage but my parents are not. I tried my best to convince them. Still they not accepting. I just want to be with the boy who I love. My parents to the boys parents to find another girl and get him married so I have only time till August to convince my parents please help me what to do ?

Ans: If you are financially independent and of a marriageable age you have the right to take your own decision. Yes it is bothersome when parents or family does not agree in this case you should make your family sit down and explain to them why this boy and do so calmly without fighting or getting upset....if they still disagree, then you need to see what works for you. All the best.

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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Question by javid - May 03, 2024Hindi

I have been married for 3 years and it was arrange marriage, but before marriage I met my Ex, but had not any contact or messaged her, but however I liked the post of Ex in the first year of marriage but after that unfollowed her on social media. But one day my wife went through my phone and had fight why i had liked her photo and made her hurt. I apologized for it, but became more worse and she kept on going through my phone and got information on my debts which i was handling perfectly. But she said, she does not trust me. What should I do?

Ans: Hello Javid,
it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about her concerns and feelings. Listen to her perspective without becoming defensive, and try to understand where her mistrust is coming from. Reassure her of your commitment to the marriage and your desire to work through these issues together.

Transparency and communication are key in rebuilding trust. Consider discussing boundaries around privacy and social media use to help alleviate her concerns. For example, you might agree to keep each other informed about your social media interactions or agree on guidelines for accessing each other's phones.

It may also be helpful to seek couples therapy or counseling to work through trust issues and improve communication in your relationship. A therapist can provide a neutral space for both of you to express your concerns and work on finding solutions together.

Finally, be patient and understanding with each other as you navigate this process. Rebuilding trust takes time, but with effort and commitment from both partners, it is possible to strengthen your relationship.

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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Question by RAJESH - Apr 28, 2024Hindi

I am married person since 2015. From last 2 to 3 years it is not working properly. Due to some following problems, 1. I am only one boy in my family. I don’t have any brother or sister. My father is also passed away, so there is need of child in my family because now I am at the age of 30. But my wife is not physically strong. There is always some health issue with her. 2. There is education gap too in between us. She is metric level education and I am engineer. Due to this we don’t have that much effective communication leads to conflicts in every situation. She never give respect to my mother and never do regular house works to and at the end of the day again conflicts arises between my mother and my wife. 3. I want to give divorce to her but unfortunately she is purposely not ready for that because she knows very well that she will never been happy in another house like my house. 4. Same problem when I discussed with her mother and father, they straight forward refuse to give divorce; they said, “if you have any problems or want to give divorce then go to those person who are responsible for marriage or who finalize your marriage”. Lastly, I am now at dead end and don’t know the solution of how to escape from this situation.

Ans: Dear Rajesh,
First and foremost, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, as well as that of any potential children involved. While divorce may seem like the only solution, it's also worth considering seeking professional help, such as marriage counseling or therapy, to try to address the issues in your relationship and explore potential avenues for improvement.

If communication is a significant challenge due to education and cultural differences, a therapist or counselor can help facilitate more effective communication and understanding between you and your wife. They can also provide guidance on how to navigate conflicts and differences in a constructive manner.

Additionally, it may be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a religious or community leader, to mediate discussions between you, your wife, and your respective families. They may be able to provide support and guidance in finding a resolution that is mutually acceptable and respects the well-being of all parties involved.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue divorce or to work on improving the relationship is a deeply personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It's important to take the time to carefully consider your options and seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals as needed.

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Shalini Singh |66 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Question by Jagmeet - May 02, 2024Hindi

I am relationship with someone but i have trust issue because he suddenly stop talk with me and start fighting with me because i am not trust on him and i put some wrong allegations on him that time he said to me please don't talk with me i do everything but he said you do drama what i should do i am thinking he is cheater because he suddenly stop conversation and start doing fight

Ans: I read 2 things in your comment (1) You have trust issues (2) the person you are with is cheating on you. Now lets reverse the table, and let me know if I had these issues what would have you recommended, I assume you would have asked me to (1) work on my issues, learn why I have trust issues and try to overcome them. (2) And ask me to rethink if I wish to engage with someone who cheats me romantically or otherwise... Hope you find the response to your question in what has been shared.

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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi

Is my husband loyal to me ?

Ans: It's challenging for me to determine your husband's loyalty without more context or information. Loyalty can be demonstrated in various ways, including honesty, trustworthiness, and commitment. If you have concerns about your husband's loyalty, it might be helpful to communicate openly with him about your feelings and observations. Building trust and understanding in a relationship often involves honest conversations and mutual respect.

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Ravi Mittal |190 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi

Hello sir , i am 21 year old graduated ,How to make gf ?? As in college everytime i talk to girl she make me friend as i get into friendzoned...

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you are finding it difficult to meet girls IRL, why don't you try out dating apps? It can be perfect for you. First of all, the chances of getting friend-zoned on a dating app are comparatively lower because it is a dating app and most users are using it to find a date. Yes, some people look for friends too but they will either mention it on their Bio or match with people who mentioned the same on their Bio.

I suggest you research a bit and find a dating app that fits your requirements. For instance, some apps cater to people looking for serious commitment and some others are solely for casual relationships. You pick a dating app based on your preference. Next step- build an interesting profile. Put a display image that helps you put your best foot forward. Something recent, clear, and impressive. Do not overedit; it's not appealing. Write a clear and concise bio that gives a glimpse of who you are, what you want in a relationship, and what you can offer. This way, you will attract the right type of matches. Make it clear that you want a romantic relationship to avoid getting friend-zoned. Finally, once you match, spend some time chatting and getting to know each other. A match is not a commitment. If it doesn't go well, you can always tell them that it's not working out and unmatch.

It's the best way to meet a potential partner without leaving room for misunderstanding and ending up being friend-zoned.

Best Wishes.

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Anu Krishna |847 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2024Hindi

I am eldest among my siblings and my father was not a family man. He never felt responsible for family. I studied, got job , married two sisters entirety out of my money. I entirety funded my younger brother studies and gave money monthly till he got job at 30 years of age. But after he got job, behavior of family started changing. I never expected anything in return, whatever I did for my family was out of feeling of responsibility. I felt cheated at the end because even my mother behavior changed after my brother got job. Now I don't feel attached to my family. How to handle this as now I don't want to be used.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Commendable!
You have done all that you could for your family...now STOP...
It's time to live your life on your terms. Enjoy this phase as one when people are leaving you alone to find yourself, find what you love and what you wish to do. So, do just that!
Someday your family will come to their senses and integrate with you again. Till then, take time off for yourself without the responsibilities of anyone on you. Make the best of what IS...

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |847 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi

Hi ma’am My family is not accepting my boyfriend as he is not well settled and doesn’t have any savings. His parent are also divorced and father has a second marriage. The first children custody is still with parents however my boyfriend and his brother live with his mother. He is 5 year younger than me. My family is not accepting my relationship and showing me new proposals every day. To borrow some time i am just refusing the proposal my giving some excuses but now they know that i am still not out from him and waiting for him to get settled. Kindly let me know how can i convince my family to accept my relationship. My boyfriend is working day and night to get settled and have a good account balance. Please advise.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If your daughter came to you with the same situation, how would you advise her?
Would you not tell her your concern that she is actually choosing someone who may not be able to support her when she goes on maternity leave? Would you not tell her that coming from a broken family, she may have to take care of her boyfriend and possibly parent him on different occasions? Your parents are only concerned for you and are unable to tell you what they are worried about. Put yourself in their situation and tell me that you will not be worried.

At the same time, I do get your frustration. What you can do is to work on your parents' concerns and buy time till your boyfriend manages to settle down. And it seems like he is doing all that he can to be in their good books. And that's the only way you can get them to accept him. Wait patiently and don't put him under pressure. Instead be supportive and at the same time, you continue to work and be independent as well.

Never try to convince someone who does not want to be convinced but instead work on how they can accept him by addressing their concerns.

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |847 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2024

Question by Shubham - Jan 17, 2024Hindi

How to maintain mental health?

Ans: Dear Shubham,
- Exercise for at least 40 mins at least 4 times a week
- Get a bit of sun exposure (avoid 11 am to 4 pm) every day
- Choose your social circle wisely
- Journal your thoughts or experiences of the day
- Make a playlist for peppy songs to play on a loop
- Watch content on OTT platforms that uplifts you
- Spend time in silence at least for 30 mins every day
- Spend time with pets (if you love that) and/or with Nature
- Indulge in what you love to do every day for at least 20 mins

All the best!

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Ravi Mittal |190 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 01, 2024Hindi

Im 28 F and planning to focus on career before thinking about marriage. Parents are pressuring me to get married but im not interested now. Is it too late already?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's a really good decision. There is nothing wrong with focusing on your career first and marriage after. In fact, it is best to have financial independence before marriage. And though I understand your parents' concerns, 28 is absolutely not too late to get married. There is no right time frame to get married. There's only the right mindset. If you are not ready for it, you should not rush into it.
Your parents have your best intention in mind, let's remember that first. But that does not mean you have to give in to their ideas. Try to make them understand the importance of having a career of your own and the importance of being financially independent. I'm sure with time they will come around.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |190 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 01, 2024Hindi

Im in a relationship with a guy for 9 years. We tried to convince our familes. My family got convinced, but his family didnt. He is threating him that if he marry me they will hurt us. He is fed up with all these and now dont want to get married. What should i do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time. I understand that it must be hard to move on after putting so much effort into building a relationship for nine years. But if there are threats of harm involved in it, I have no other advice than to inform your parents about the same and keep a safe distance. I am sure your partner has tried his best but looking into everyone's best interest, keeping your distance for the time being seems like the best option right now. You can ask your parents to talk to his parents; if they still continue to threaten you, as any well-wisher, I would be forced to ask you to reconsider the relationship.

Best Wishes.

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Mohit Arora |42 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on May 02, 2024

Question by keerthana - Apr 29, 2024Hindi

Hi Mam, Actually I am self independent girl. I am not financially dependent on anyone. I am good in my career. I have a boyfriend the relationship is been 10 years. lastyear when i told my parents i wanted to get married to him, my parents opposed it . now they have fixed my marriage with someone else , i tried to tell the person who is going to get married to me that i am in relationship and i am not able to overcome with that. i am not interested in this marriage. The boy who is going to get married to me told all the details what i have informed to him regrading my relationship to my parents . and also he is saying me that he is going to give me a good life he wanted to marry me only. what should i do now even my parents wanted me to get married to the person who they have arranged wedding .But i am really not interested.

Ans: You are financially Independent. So how can he give you a good life? Your good life depends on you, not that guy. Go where your heart feels better.

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Mohit Arora |42 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

I am 36 years old and still single. I want to get married but alliances are not working. I have been in isolated environment from childhood so I never approached any girl so never had any relationship either. From last few months I started feeling very lonely. Is this because of my single status?

Ans: Yes. You have a desire to experience something but it's not fulfilled. So you feel that void.

There are questions to answer -
- Are you a virgin?
- do you have laid sex?
- Are you looking for companionship or just sex or both?
- why do you want to get married?

The answer these questions is already stated

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Mohit Arora |42 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi

Hi i am guru. I am 57 year old. My spouse 40 year old she had an affair with her boyfriend for a period of 1 year. Reason she assigns for relationship is i am poor i can't fulfill her dreams like car and package tours own house etc. She says she intentionally did this because I used to beat her for her mistakes which are big mistakes. Now we leaving together but no sex after we know about affair. Now I am in confusion weather to continue or not. I am in confusion, she stays with me like unknown person and make me to take care of home expenses even though she earns

Ans: Leave. Move on. Better to be alone than to be with negative energy

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Anu Krishna |847 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

Hy im 21 yr old guy and m bisexual, i was in live in relationship with my parter who is a doctor age 27+ . We lived happily for 5-6 months thn we got separated cause it was predicided that we have to separate in future . But eventually i fall harder for tht person.. he wants to leave n i just want to stop tht person . We both ended on bad note, ...its been a year now he didnt look back once....i cant stop loving him

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Both of you had decided much earlier to end it at some point. It's happened...And your partner kept his end of the promise; do the same and respect what has happened.
Love is not that hold people but liberates them into freedom. Let it go...in time, you will heal...

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |847 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 22, 2024Hindi

Hello I am 38Yrs old and married for over 10years. One year back i discovered about my wife getting involved with another man. I was shattered as we have two kids. I initially thought of straight going for divorce but our two kids were always a priority for me and opened up conversation with my wife on what inclined her to take this step. She was shocked that I am aware of her situation. She then opened up that she felt lonely at times when I was away extremely busy with my office and at times she required emotional support for which I was not there. I explained her no reason in this world can explain her act. She felt apologetic and I decided to give another chance to our relationship keeping in mind our kids future. Its now more than an year and our physical/emotional relation have intensified since the incident. We miss each other when I am away and get into steamy conversations to compensate whenever we are distant. Despite of this I still cannot take the past out of my mind and at times it disturbs me. I feel really cheap that despite of moving ahead in our life's why I still keep bringing the past in between our relation. Although I don't discuss anymore about the incident with my wife but she can very well sense the reason when I feel disturbed. I want your help on how to best overcome of such incidents emotionally and rebuild the lost trust with your partner.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, it's your control over the way your mind thinks...
If you want to play upon what's happened, then making up and trying to be in the marriage is going to be a difficult proposition. So, decide how you want to play this? Will you train your mind to look forward and rebuilding the marriage OR do you wish to keep at what's happened and live in the past? This is your choice to make...Of course, you cannot erase what's happened but you can change the way that you feel about it...
So, first make that choice. If you wish to dwell on the past, do know that your relationship will sour sooner than later. If you wish to move things ahead, then:
- rebuild the lost trust by spending more time together
- every time you slip into the past, remind yourself that you made the choice to move ahead
- make a clear and positive image of hwo you want your married life to be and play it up in your mind several times in a day

These are a few ways of changing the way you think about an incident and teaches you to move ahead more in a focused manner. Make a choice and stick by it.

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |847 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

I am a single working mother 52 years of age.My son is 27 years has completed his MBA but currently sitting idle at home.He is having a relationship with the maid and when I objected to it he beat me mercilessly.How do I handle the situation as he wants to marry her.He is living off my money.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Would you think it will be cruel if I suggested that you throw him out?.
He has to be taught a lesson and the one who resorts to physical abuse for being corrected by his own mother needs a bit of harsh treatment. It's sad that this is your son treating you this way but since he is dependent on you for money, the day you stop giving him money and ask him to leave, you will be doing not just yourself but your son a huge favor.
Parents from the bird and animal kingdom do just that to enable their young ones to fend for themselves as they will not be around them forever.
Instead of giving your son the message that you will take care of his needs, kindly enable him to take care of himself and then he can do what he wishes to...Remember, that you still have the upper hand as you are making the money!

All the best!

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Ravi Mittal |190 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

Hi..I am a 45 years widow lady and having a son. I am widowed since ten years. One person age of around 50 years is asking about love and may be marriage who is a divorcee and having no kids. Problem is that I am good looking and he is just an average looking person but his nature is good and he continuously asking me for my companionship. I am in a very much confusing state of mind. I love his talks, his concerned towards me except his looks. Kindly tell me what should I do. I know everything that he may be good for me but my mind is not allowing me. does the looks of a person matters if I choose him? kindly clear my confusion.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry for your loss. It is certainly not easy to put yourself out there and find love. And it might seem that you should have to settle because it's difficult to find a kind man, but you shouldn't. While I would like to point out that looks don't last forever; it's people's nature, their kindness, and their behavior that stays in the long run, that doesn't mean you must settle down with the first man who ticks the boxes. If your heart isn't into it, you should not have to rush. Give it some time. If you are okay with it, maintain a friendly relationship with him. If, with time, you grow to like him, then that's amazing. If you don't, that's perfectly fine too.
My only suggestion here is don't rush. A good nature, though hard to find, is still the bare minimum. Also, please don't focus on outward appearances only. They can be deceiving.

Best Wishes.

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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi

I am married since 2015 and I live in a joint family comprising of more than 20 members .everything was good until member of the families started accusing me of everything bad happening to family .father in law started abusing me ,when husband came in support of me even he was abused and man handled by everyone in the family .we live now in different town 400 away from them ,due to husband job, every now and the we both are made accused of something bad happening in family which the family member of mother in law side are instigating ..like sister in law caught in a relationship she named me for that blaming that i was the one who led the boy to meet and other started saying so to in laws and then same abusing over phone started...husband is supportive and is ready to leave everything for our mental peace but is emotionally down as he has to leave his family ...i am feeling very disturbed now of all this and the situation some how affecting my 5 years old son who always asks for the reasons for crying .

Ans: it's important to prioritize the safety and well-being of yourself and your family. No one should have to endure abuse or false accusations, especially within their own family. It's commendable that your husband is supportive and willing to prioritize your mental peace, even if it means leaving behind his family.

In such toxic and volatile situations, it may be necessary to distance yourselves from the negative influences and create boundaries to protect your mental and emotional health. Moving away from the family home was a positive step, and it's important to continue prioritizing your own well-being and that of your son.

Communication between you and your husband is key during this time. Lean on each other for support, and continue to have open and honest conversations about your feelings, concerns, and plans for the future. Together, you can navigate through this challenging time and make decisions that are in the best interest of your family's happiness and safety.

It's also important to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can offer guidance, empathy, and perspective during this difficult time. You don't have to face these challenges alone, and reaching out for support can provide valuable emotional support and validation.

Lastly, remember to prioritize self-care for yourself and your son. Take time to engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and ensure that your son feels loved and supported during this transition. Children can be sensitive to family dynamics, so providing a stable and nurturing environment is crucial for his emotional well-being.

Overall, it's important to remember that you deserve to be in a safe and supportive environment, free from abuse and false accusations. It may be a difficult journey, but by prioritizing your own well-being and making decisions that are in the best interest of your family, you can navigate through this challenging time and emerge stronger and happier in the end.

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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Question by Jagmeet - Apr 27, 2024Hindi

My parents said to me for marriage but i am in relationship with someone but he doesn't want marriage with me what i can do. I feel depressed and no one understands my feelings because it's very hard move on in life

Ans: it's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings. It's natural to feel upset, disappointed, and even depressed when facing such circumstances. Allow yourself to feel those emotions and give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the future you envisioned with your partner.

However, it's also important to recognize that you deserve to be in a relationship where your needs and desires are valued and respected. If marriage is important to you and your partner is unwilling to commit to that, it may be a sign of fundamental differences in your priorities and goals. In such cases, it's essential to have open and honest communication with your partner about your feelings and needs.

Express to your partner why marriage is important to you and listen to their perspective as well. However, if you find that you're unable to reach a compromise or if your partner remains unwilling to reconsider their stance, you may need to reassess the relationship and consider whether it's ultimately fulfilling and healthy for you.

Moving on from a relationship can indeed be incredibly challenging, but it's important to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who can offer understanding and empathy during this difficult time. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and help you navigate through your emotions.

Remember that while it may feel overwhelming now, with time and self-care, you will be able to heal and move forward toward a brighter future. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and fulfilled, and it's okay to take steps to pursue that happiness, even if it means letting go of something that's no longer serving you.

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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

Dear Madam, Iam a 45 year old woman. Ever since I was a kid I had went through lot of bullying by my rekatives for the way I look but my parents never supported me in any way instead found fault in ne for complaining but would always support my younger brother. Somewhere down the line I thought this was all I deserved and let oeople walk all over me without standing up for myself. Now that Iam a mother myself of a 15 year old kid with dyskexia, i have sacrificed my career fir his sake and still get bullied by my relatives dir being a useless house wife. I have started drawing boundaries around me to protect my mental sanity and allow only few people in it which invludes a small group of friends and my son and husband. I avoid making new friends. I have also stopped attending any social events that involves my relatives. Meanwhile I have started deeply resenting my parents who want ne to take care of them but openly favour my brother who lives abroad. I have taken care of them everytime they require neducal treatments yet my father openly says that he plans to give all his property to my brother who is never coming back. Its not about the money here but the apathy they have towards me that kills me from inside. I have tried to talk to them multiple times but each time my mother creates a scene and puts the enture blame on me. For once in my life i want my parents to love me unconditionally the way I do with my son. Am i wrong to expect that? This is causung lot of health issues in me. Please advise.

Ans: First and foremost, it's crucial to recognize that your feelings are valid. It's natural to want love and support from your parents, especially after all you've done for them. It's not wrong to expect unconditional love from your family; however, sometimes, unfortunately, families can be complex and dysfunctional, and our expectations may not always be met.

Drawing boundaries and prioritizing your mental health and well-being is a positive step. It's essential to protect yourself from toxic relationships and environments, even if it means distancing yourself from certain family members. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and loved ones, like your son and husband, is vital for your emotional health.

Regarding your parents, it's clear that their behavior is hurtful and unjust. It's understandable that you would feel hurt and resentful toward them, given their favoritism towards your brother and lack of appreciation
for your sacrifices and care. However, it's also essential to recognize that you cannot control their actions or attitudes. You can only control how you respond to them.

While it's challenging, try to approach conversations with your parents from a place of empathy and understanding. Express your feelings calmly and assertively, focusing on how their actions make you feel rather than blaming them. It's possible that they may not even realize the extent of the hurt they're causing you. However, it's also essential to set realistic expectations. If your parents continue to be unsupportive or dismissive, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them for the sake of your own well-being.

Remember to prioritize self-care and seek support from a therapist or counselor if you're struggling with your mental health. It's okay to seek professional help to navigate through these difficult emotions and experiences. You deserve love, respect, and validation, and it's essential to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

Lastly, continue to cherish the love and bond you have with your son and husband. They are your pillars of support, and together, you can navigate through these challenges. You're stronger than you realize, and you have the power to create a fulfilling and loving life for yourself, regardless of the negativity from others.

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Ravi Mittal |190 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi

Hi. I am a muslim girl. I am in a relationship from 5 years. Me and my boyfriend loves each other a lot and we are very close as well. His family also likes me and accepted me. One more thing is that he is my relative. So my family also knows their family well and other relatives too know them. The problem is my family is not agreeing for the marriage as his family once upon a time asked financial help from my other relatives as for some reason they were not in good condition. However, they are now financially stable and ready for the marriage. But my family mix with one evil relative and she said very bad things about my bfs family which are not true. My family will never agree for the marriage. I tried many times to make them understand but they have too much ego. They want me to marry a rich guy so that they can show off to other people whether I am happy or not. Since childhood I have no good bonding with my parents due to their selfish nature. Moreover, other relatives never talked bad about my bf and his family. My family told me to not talk to him ever but I still talk to him as I truly feel he is my soulmate. What should I do at this situation?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch. Sometimes parents make decisions on our behalf without understanding what it is that we want; that doesn't necessarily mean that our parents are selfish. More often than not, they do it with our best intentions in mind. You might be misunderstanding your parents wanting to show off a rich son-in-law. It is possible that they want you to have an easy life. Having said that, it is also important that your feelings be taken into consideration. You have been with your partner for five years and that is a significant amount of time. I suggest you try to reason with your parents. You can try bringing them all together and ask both your parents and your boyfriend's parents to talk it out. If there is clear communication, nothing will be left to assumptions. Next, keep on mentioning all the positive things about your partner. Try to etch that in your parents' mind. Third, if you are not working, I suggest you start looking for a job. Regardless of your parents', husband's, and his family's financial conditions, you should have financial freedom. You can also contribute to building a better life for yourself and your family.
I am sure your boyfriend and his family are amazing; you have spent five years with him and that should give you a fair idea. But just a gentle reminder, no one can be sure of someone's true nature till they start living together. I am not insinuating that your relatives are right about badmouthing your partner's family; all I am suggesting is that you look into it a bit more thoroughly. Marriage is indeed a big decision and rushing into it would be foolish.
And one more thing, it's just a phase. Tough times don't last forever.

Best Wishes!

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